How can I tell my parents I am pregnant?
First, you need to come
to terms with your own situation. Be honest with yourself about what you
have done wrong, and commit to doing what is right from this point on.
Reflect on the Biblical story of the
Son", adopting the
humble attitude while receiving your
Father's unconditional love.
Ask God to give you the strength to do what is right, and pray that He will
help you know what to say to your parents.
But before you think about what you will say to your parents, please
promise yourself that you will not abort this baby. Although
you are still your parents' daughter, you are now a parent too, and you
responsibility to protect and nurture this new life growing inside you. (If
you're not sure whether or not you will have the resources to give birth to
this baby, please contact us and we will do
whatever we can to help you.)
Now, as you consider how to approach your parents, continue to keep in mind
what you have already learned: you made mistakes, but now you want to do
what is right, and you are going to protect your baby. So make sure that
your attitude toward your parents is humble, yet confident.
Plan to begin by asking your parents to forgive you for being sexually
active. "Mom, I've been having sex. I'm so sorry. Will you forgive me?"
Remember, although the pregnancy may be embarrassing to both you
and your parents, unwed pregnancy is not a sin! Your sin was
premarital sex, but this pregnancy is just one more proof that
use even our bad actions to produce something good.
Even if you think you were trying to be "responsible" by using
"birth control," don't make excuses for yourself. After all, if you were
really being "responsible," you wouldn't have had sexual intercourse,
right? Those may be tough words for you to swallow right now, but you need
to really be honest with yourself about what you did wrong before you can
deal with this situation properly.
After you apologize for being sexually active, say something like "but now
I want to do what is right. Not just what is right for me, but what is
right for my baby. I'm pregnant."
Consider whether it may be helpful to have another person with you when you
break the news to your parents. The presence of someone who isn't too
emotionally involved with the family may act as a "buffer" to help your
parents not to lash out in anger against you. (If you live nearby, we
would be happy to help you break the news to your parents; otherwise,
consider contacting a local pregnancy help
center, or a pastor or priest.)
If you don't think you can get the words out, consider writing a letter.
It's best to still hand the letter to your parents in person, unless you
honestly believe they may physically hurt you.
After you break the news to your parents, be patient with them. Understand
that they will be shocked, and that they may say things they will later
regret. Even if they say something that hurts you deeply, try to remain
humbly quiet. If you yell back at them, telling them everything they did
wrong, you'll be just building a wall. But if they see you responding
maturely to their emotional outbursts, they may soon come to respect you
more, realizing that you're not their "little girl" anymore, but you're
the mother of their grandchild.
Expect them to be angry and hurt for a while. It could take days or months
before they really accept you again. No matter how they are acting, remember
that your parents really love you.
If your parents kick you out of the house, and you have nowhere to stay,
we want to help. Please
Here are some other comments about how to break the news, from women who
have experienced unplanned pregnancies:
"If you communicate with mom better... then tell mom... and she will tell
dad. Or if you communicate with your dad better... then tell dad...
and he will tell mom."
- Judith, 34
"I think one of the biggest reasons why it's so hard to tell your parents
is because you don't want them to be disappointed in you, but let me tell you
something from experience... if you show them you are serious about having
your baby and are ready to take on the responsibilities, ... when they look
at your baby and know that you were the one who cared enough to bring it
life, they will be the proudest parents and grandparents ever."
- Diana, 16
For more practical help on how to tell your parents,
including several letters from women of
various ages (from 15 to 34) who share their personal experiences,
please consult Several
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help you, but are not medical practitioners in any manner.
If you need a definitive answer to
your medical questions, please contact a medical practitioner.