How can I tell my parents I am pregnant?

Answer: First, you need to come to terms with your own situation. Be honest with yourself about what you have done wrong, and commit to doing what is right from this point on. Reflect on the Biblical story of the "Prodigal Son", adopting the son's humble attitude while receiving your Heavenly Father's unconditional love.

Ask God to give you the strength to do what is right, and pray that He will help you know what to say to your parents.

But before you think about what you will say to your parents, please promise yourself that you will not abort this baby. Although you are still your parents' daughter, you are now a parent too, and you have a responsibility to protect and nurture this new life growing inside you. (If you're not sure whether or not you will have the resources to give birth to this baby, please contact us and we will do whatever we can to help you.)

Now, as you consider how to approach your parents, continue to keep in mind what you have already learned: you made mistakes, but now you want to do what is right, and you are going to protect your baby. So make sure that your attitude toward your parents is humble, yet confident.

Plan to begin by asking your parents to forgive you for being sexually active. "Mom, I've been having sex. I'm so sorry. Will you forgive me?" Remember, although the pregnancy may be embarrassing to both you and your parents, unwed pregnancy is not a sin! Your sin was premarital sex, but this pregnancy is just one more proof that God can use even our bad actions to produce something good.

Even if you think you were trying to be "responsible" by using "birth control," don't make excuses for yourself. After all, if you were really being "responsible," you wouldn't have had sexual intercourse, right? Those may be tough words for you to swallow right now, but you need to really be honest with yourself about what you did wrong before you can deal with this situation properly.

After you apologize for being sexually active, say something like "but now I want to do what is right. Not just what is right for me, but what is right for my baby. I'm pregnant."

Consider whether it may be helpful to have another person with you when you break the news to your parents. The presence of someone who isn't too emotionally involved with the family may act as a "buffer" to help your parents not to lash out in anger against you. (If you live nearby, we would be happy to help you break the news to your parents; otherwise, consider contacting a local pregnancy help center, or a pastor or priest.)

If you don't think you can get the words out, consider writing a letter. It's best to still hand the letter to your parents in person, unless you honestly believe they may physically hurt you.

After you break the news to your parents, be patient with them. Understand that they will be shocked, and that they may say things they will later regret. Even if they say something that hurts you deeply, try to remain humbly quiet. If you yell back at them, telling them everything they did wrong, you'll be just building a wall. But if they see you responding maturely to their emotional outbursts, they may soon come to respect you more, realizing that you're not their "little girl" anymore, but you're the mother of their grandchild.

Expect them to be angry and hurt for a while. It could take days or months before they really accept you again. No matter how they are acting, remember that your parents really love you.

If your parents kick you out of the house, and you have nowhere to stay, we want to help. Please contact us.

Here are some other comments about how to break the news, from women who have experienced unplanned pregnancies:

"If you communicate with mom better... then tell mom... and she will tell dad. Or if you communicate with your dad better... then tell dad... and he will tell mom."

- Judith, 34

"I think one of the biggest reasons why it's so hard to tell your parents is because you don't want them to be disappointed in you, but let me tell you something from experience... if you show them you are serious about having your baby and are ready to take on the responsibilities, ... when they look at your baby and know that you were the one who cared enough to bring it life, they will be the proudest parents and grandparents ever."

- Diana, 16

For more practical help on how to tell your parents, including several letters from women of various ages (from 15 to 34) who share their personal experiences, please consult Several Sources Foundation.